by Oceans Huynh
With a new season comes new recruits and this year is no different to any other – except for one not-so-small difference. Kapi Thitiwat from the small island of Tonga, a lump of a lad who has never picked up a football in his life. Having arrived in Tokyo not long ago to start a new career as an English teacher, he thought he’d do away completely with his comfort zone and try a new sport as well.
Since then, we found out he will be adding entertainment value with his left-field views and although having never met them yet, already knows his teammates quite well. This week we got a chance for a bit of a Q&A with Kapi while he gets ready for his first training session this weekend. You can find the unedited transcript below:
Reporter: How did you find out about the Goannas, Kapi?
Kapi: Your player Peter Chalmers introduced to me the game. He said the team needed a boost in female supporters and I can help with this.
R: You’re probably right there Kapi. You do look in pretty good shape. Have you played other sports?
K: Growing up I played a lot of kiss-chasey. But we called it Catch-A-Wife. I heard this would have been useful a few weeks ago.
R: So you’ve heard about what happened at training?
K: Yes, the Goannas were practicing kiss-chasey but with no women. I was wary to join after hearing this but then I heard about Daud Hegarty from Peter. He is a supporter of a team called Melbourne Demons. Even in Tonga we have heard of this team and how bad they are. I always respect men who can go lower after supporting such a team. There is no boundary for them. I can go to battle with them.
R: Kiss-chasey isn’t quite a training drill we do, but was there anything else that attracted you to join the Goannas? How did Pete sell it to you?
K: He said I would like the people. He said there is a He-Man called Travis Wilson who people call Arms because his arms are big like tree-trunks. I plan to usurp this title from him. Also, there is a guy with chiseled body called Yuji Yamamoto who looks like Adonis. I will show him that I am The Donis.
R: So your main motivation is to compete with some of the players fitness-wise?
K: Yes, but mostly I am looking forward to challenging the opposition player Michito Sasaki. Peter says he is like mini Rambo. In Tonga, Rambo is our hero so I would like to shake his hand and give him a hug.
R: How is your running? Michito Sasaki can run all day.
K: Kapi does not run.
R: How do you plan to stop him then?
K: I will wait for him to come to me after I stare him down and beckon him over with my index finger.
R: Our game doesn’t really work like that. You will probably need to do a bit of running, didn’t Peter tell you this?
K: Peter said everything will be fine. There is man called Alex Wyatt so I will have a partner to stand stationary with.
R: Ok, well, have you gotten the chance to be introduced to Sam Ghirardello the club President yet?
K: I have only seen his face superimposed to a riceball and I hear people call him Onigiridello. In Tonga, if people make fun of you like this, you cannot be a leader. I wonder how he can be elected when he does not have the respect of the people he dictates over. But I will reserve judgement until we meet. Maybe he really has head of riceball. I do not know. Who is his supreme assistant?
R: Well, the Vice President is a person called Jarrod Woodward. He is a lawyer and apparently a pretty big fan of fashion.
K: Yes, he is the man Peter call the Jezz. I have seen his fashion blog and he is a very handsome and fashionable man with great taste in clothes. He must know his clothing brand names well. I have already told Peter I will introduce him to my sister if he ever goes to Tonga.
R: I hear he is already in a very serious relationship so I don’t think he would be interested. Anyway, is there anything you have found strange about our game so far?
K: Definitely. The language. Speccie, ripper, grubber…I have no idea. Also, I have heard this man Daniel Last speak. I cannot understand at all. It is like a different language.
R: You’ll get used to it eventually I’m sure. Hopefully everything you’ve heard from Peter will turn out well for you. I think we’re all glad to have you on board this year Kapi.
K: Thank you. Peter said a man called Oceans is a funny man too. I am looking forward to meeting him.
R: Actually, that’s me.
K: Oh ok. Well he lied about that one already.
Since then, we found out he will be adding entertainment value with his left-field views and although having never met them yet, already knows his teammates quite well. This week we got a chance for a bit of a Q&A with Kapi while he gets ready for his first training session this weekend. You can find the unedited transcript below:
Reporter: How did you find out about the Goannas, Kapi?
Kapi: Your player Peter Chalmers introduced to me the game. He said the team needed a boost in female supporters and I can help with this.
R: You’re probably right there Kapi. You do look in pretty good shape. Have you played other sports?
K: Growing up I played a lot of kiss-chasey. But we called it Catch-A-Wife. I heard this would have been useful a few weeks ago.
R: So you’ve heard about what happened at training?
K: Yes, the Goannas were practicing kiss-chasey but with no women. I was wary to join after hearing this but then I heard about Daud Hegarty from Peter. He is a supporter of a team called Melbourne Demons. Even in Tonga we have heard of this team and how bad they are. I always respect men who can go lower after supporting such a team. There is no boundary for them. I can go to battle with them.
R: Kiss-chasey isn’t quite a training drill we do, but was there anything else that attracted you to join the Goannas? How did Pete sell it to you?
K: He said I would like the people. He said there is a He-Man called Travis Wilson who people call Arms because his arms are big like tree-trunks. I plan to usurp this title from him. Also, there is a guy with chiseled body called Yuji Yamamoto who looks like Adonis. I will show him that I am The Donis.
R: So your main motivation is to compete with some of the players fitness-wise?
K: Yes, but mostly I am looking forward to challenging the opposition player Michito Sasaki. Peter says he is like mini Rambo. In Tonga, Rambo is our hero so I would like to shake his hand and give him a hug.
R: How is your running? Michito Sasaki can run all day.
K: Kapi does not run.
R: How do you plan to stop him then?
K: I will wait for him to come to me after I stare him down and beckon him over with my index finger.
R: Our game doesn’t really work like that. You will probably need to do a bit of running, didn’t Peter tell you this?
K: Peter said everything will be fine. There is man called Alex Wyatt so I will have a partner to stand stationary with.
R: Ok, well, have you gotten the chance to be introduced to Sam Ghirardello the club President yet?
K: I have only seen his face superimposed to a riceball and I hear people call him Onigiridello. In Tonga, if people make fun of you like this, you cannot be a leader. I wonder how he can be elected when he does not have the respect of the people he dictates over. But I will reserve judgement until we meet. Maybe he really has head of riceball. I do not know. Who is his supreme assistant?
R: Well, the Vice President is a person called Jarrod Woodward. He is a lawyer and apparently a pretty big fan of fashion.
K: Yes, he is the man Peter call the Jezz. I have seen his fashion blog and he is a very handsome and fashionable man with great taste in clothes. He must know his clothing brand names well. I have already told Peter I will introduce him to my sister if he ever goes to Tonga.
R: I hear he is already in a very serious relationship so I don’t think he would be interested. Anyway, is there anything you have found strange about our game so far?
K: Definitely. The language. Speccie, ripper, grubber…I have no idea. Also, I have heard this man Daniel Last speak. I cannot understand at all. It is like a different language.
R: You’ll get used to it eventually I’m sure. Hopefully everything you’ve heard from Peter will turn out well for you. I think we’re all glad to have you on board this year Kapi.
K: Thank you. Peter said a man called Oceans is a funny man too. I am looking forward to meeting him.
R: Actually, that’s me.
K: Oh ok. Well he lied about that one already.
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