Written by Dan McGrath
Saturday March 19th saw the might of the Goannas slug it out against the Irish lads for the Ned Kelly Cup. Unfortunately, we got hammered!
In brief, we were totally outclassed by a fitter, faster, better drilled, more determined, did I already say fitter unit.
The Goannas were jumped early on in the Gaelic quarter, and played like a B-string reserve Go-Kongs team in the second stanza. The game was effectively over at half time. Still, in the second half we performed admirably and held our own. Having said that, there were still a truckload of highlights listed below:
– The pre game rules rundown by the Irish captain in a language not to dissimilar to English (he skipped a few important rules which we found out later on) kindly translated by Smokin Pete (next year we’d appreciate a Power Point presentation if possible)
– The snazzy goanna t-shirts were turning many heads pre game as the Goannas paraded around. Just a quick note, they may (will) fall apart after the first wash, recommend washing by hand.
– The sterling rendition of Waltzing Matilda sung with such fervor and passion, made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
– Seeing Mad-dog Hunter (MDH) in the anthem line up with his faded blue wife beater, purchased circa 1982.
– New boom recruit Donovan given his marching orders from the ump for pushing him in the back, reports from the sidelines say it was a fair heave in the side though, harsh call D-train. Now that we are aware of this technical ruling we’ll put it in the memory bank for next season, remember, no shoving the ref (even if he did deserve it)
– The sheer mass and size of Jaya’s outrageous calves. Will be intimidating opposition players all season methinks.
– Jonny H’s dashes from the wing and pinch hitting up forward left all dazzled and really spoilt the appreciative Yokohama footballing community. Surely the fastest white man since Matt long-schlong Shirvington.
– Aussie’s amazing endurance and stamina was on display for all to see as he participated in both the curtain raiser and the main game and pushed himself to the point of exhaustion. Are u sure u have no Kenyan in you Aussie?
– Flanno (after rocking up at half time due to his uncanny knack of driving slower than a Brisbane pensioner) streaming down the middle of the ground with Gaelic ball in hand, confused by the round ball decides to dribble it ala Phil the General Smyth for about 15 meters. Hey no harm done Flanno, incidentally, they didn’t tell us in the pre-game rules run down we couldn’t dribble it, or push the ump neither.
– Stefan’s (after being coaxed out of retirement) shenanigans down in the back pocket, receiving the ball 15 meters in the clear, slipping on a banana peel, rugby passing the pill to the Irish fella who ran into an open goal with Stefan yanking on his short leg and being dragged a good 10 meters to the goal line, could’ve sworn I heard the Benny Hill music playing in the background.
– New player Anthony, straight from the tarmac to Yokohama, selected as the trolley bitch for the annual trolley race from the ground to the pong. As the trolley was belting along at breakneck speed careering down the hill, our young rookie was sitting snug on the bare metal tray with his head buried in a porno magazine and the other hand grasping a can of beer, all whilst not batting an eyelid, solid debut son!
– After drinking Paddy Foley’s dry, the hike to the kebab van proved eventful as MDH laid his boot into a taxi after it nearly hit him, result, a broken toe, to match his broken finger from the game. Christ MDH – didn’t you drink milk as a youngster?
– The highlight of the day by far though, was the beaming smile on the kebab bloke’s face after the now inebriated Goanna players proceeded to eat more kebabs in 10 minutes than he sold last year in total. With his new upgraded financial status courtesy of the Goanna’s generosity I can proudly say Ismail was able to fly 23 of his relatives over from Turkey and has since opened 10 new kebab stands throughout Tokyo. That’s what the Goannas are all about, putting back into the community, good work lads.
Seriously, a great day was had out at the YCAC ground and a very solid session at the bar put in afterwards. Great to see some new faces running around as well as plenty of old hands to still come back on deck. As the real footy season is about to get started try and get down to training as much as possible and down to the clubby for a few pints on Friday nights.